I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Randomize
