we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
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