btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
