Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
