The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
