I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
