so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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