Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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