just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
