Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Randomize
