I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
The struggles of a small town man whore
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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