I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
