i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
