He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
