Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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