it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
grandma shit on top of the toilet
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
