Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
