i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
