Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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