Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
