i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
