I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
