Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
