Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize