anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
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