"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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