I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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