Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Randomize
