I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
