Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
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