It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
