he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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