Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I just googled if crying burns calories
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Randomize