Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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