we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
