it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Randomize
