My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
So many bounce houses so little time
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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