Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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