She went from zero to smokin in five shots
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
