we have pet lesbian snakes
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
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