The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
