so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
