That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Randomize
