I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
