Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
