Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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