shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
