With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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