I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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