I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize