Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
