i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
