I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
The beer is more important than you right now.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
