When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
