Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
