Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
