i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
