I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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