my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
