If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
