Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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