Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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