my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
