Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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