theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
