I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Randomize
