forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
