I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
