a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Randomize
