well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Randomize
