Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Randomize
