and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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