you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize