Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
