Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
