my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Randomize
