Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
