this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
BRING THE BAGELS
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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