he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
