I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
