Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
