Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
