you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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