I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
