a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
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