the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
