Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
