Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
