she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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