Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
