positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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