Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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