The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
