due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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