I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize