I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
you made out with another girl for some wings
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
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