I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
