remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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