I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
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