When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
