can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
