Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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