**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
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