like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
