How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
