No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
