We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
nutella sex= disaster
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
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